"I have come to bring fire on the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled! But I have a baptism to undergo, and how distressed I am until it is completed! Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but division. From now on there will be five in one family divided against each other, three against two and two against three.” (Luke 12:49-52)
‘Peace on Earth; Good Will to All.’ It’s the perfect holiday slogan: vague enough to avoid offending anyone and recently made gender neutral! Except that it’s not what Jesus came to bring. What the angels actually said was ‘peace on earth to men who have God’s good will,’ referring not to a lack of conflict in the world, but to an inner confidence in the hearts of all who trust that God will redeem His people and remake the world through the Savior, Jesus. That’s why, until recently, believers haven’t spent the days leading to Christmas getting nostalgic for idyllic years past, dreaming happy dreams of future possessions, or wishing wistfully that people could just get along. Instead, Christians observed Advent—a penitential season remembering why Jesus came: because our race has a long history of idolatry and conflict confirming our need for a Savior. Jesus Himself looked forward to kindling the final judgment because only then will we have worldwide peace and end the division of families over the questions posed by Christmas: who was Jesus, really, and why did He come?
“Heavenly Father, thank you for sending Jesus to suffer hell for us, so that we can experience heaven with Him. Kindle our hearts in this season with the inner peace that comes through confidence in You, and enable us to live thoughtful and hopeful lives, in Jesus’ name, amen.”
Under the same management for 2000 years!
Cremation is your last chance for a smoking hot body!
Adam & Eve: the first to not read the Apple terms & conditions
Satan called—he wants his weather back!
Whoever stole our AC units keep one: it is hot where you are going!
With all this rain we need an ark. Fear not! (Wait for it…) We Noah guy!
If you are praying for snow please stop
Forgive your enemies—it messes with their heads
Love is grand; divorce is twenty grand
Be the kind of person your pet thinks you are
Tweet others as you would like to be tweeted
Honk if you love Jesus! Text while driving if you want to meet Him!
‘Highway to Hell’ and ‘Stairway to Heaven’ say a lot about anticipated traffic
Catch-up with Jesus, lettuce praise and relish Him, ‘cuz He loves me from my head to-ma-toes!
The Lord lead you to praise Him this week!
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. (Philippians 4:6-9)
Giving thanks is the perfect antidote to the pervasive distress in our world. When we focus on what we want but don’t have (as in shopping lists) or on what we have but don’t want (as in added pounds) we only add to our stress. But when we focus on the freedom from want that we have because of God’s amazing grace and the future already ours because of Christ’s sacrifice for us, we discover that we are wealthy beyond hope and loved beyond reason. What a blessing to live in a country with an official holiday dedicated to giving God thanks for such astounding blessings! I hope that you take full advantage of the gift you have been given in this holiday to praise God for His gifts. I guarantee that if you do, you will enjoy them more—and others will enjoy you more!
“Heavenly Father, thank you for blessing us with such a prosperous, peaceful, and free nation. Thank you for the opportunity we have to reflect on our blessings this weekend. Be present in all our gatherings, so that we might experience the grace You have so generously poured out on us and spread Your peace in a distressed world, through Jesus Christ our Lord, amen.”
HORN OF PLENTY
A music student brought his French horn to an instrument shop for repair.
He complained that the instrument “felt stuffy” and he couldn’t blow air through it.
The technician knew it was not unusual to find partial blockages in brass instruments.
However, when the he tested the instrument, the horn was completely blocked.
After much probing and prodding, a small tangerine dropped out of the bell.
“Oh,” said the musician when he was handed the fruit.
Seeing the bewildered look on the technician’s face, he explained,
“My mom used the horn for a cornucopia in a Thanksgiving centerpiece.”
Records indicate the first Thanksgiving meal more likely included duck or goose than turkey.
A wild turkey, when scared, can run 20 mph--which may be the reason why.
If there were turkey, it was probably cooked by men, since only 5 women had survived the prior winter.
Benjamin Franklin wanted the turkey to be our national symbol, claiming eagles had bad moral character.
After a stroll on the moon, the first meal Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin enjoyed was roast turkey.
The Lord bless your thanksgiving this week!
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Rom. 8:28 NIV)
It’s not all good. Although God made everything all good, His good gift of free will allowed our ancestors to choose what was not all good, the knowledge of good and evil, from which come diseases, disasters, death, cruelty, wickedness, and lost innocence: an inherited inability to be ‘all good.’ Yet Paul reassures us that God is in the redemption business: for those who love Him and are called to His purposes, God is able to bring good out of even the evils we experience, because He has redeemed us through the evil experienced by His Son, Jesus. Such is the comfort of the Christian faith, that God is all good, even when all else is not.
Heavenly Father, thank You for redeeming us and promising to redeem even the evils we experience, in Christ Jesus, amen.”
A visiting pastor was attending a men’s breakfast in Mississippi farm country.
He asked one of the impressive older farmers to say grace that morning.
After all were seated, the older farmer began------“Lord, I hate buttermilk.”
The Pastor opened one eye and wondered to himself where this was going.
Then the farmer loudly proclaimed, “Lord, I hate lard.”
Now the Pastor was worried, but without missing a beat, the farmer prayed on,
“And Lord, you know I don’t care much for raw white flour.”
Just as the Pastor was ready to stand and stop everything, the farmer continued,
“But Lord, when you mix ‘em all together and bake ‘em up, I do love fresh biscuits.
So, Lord, when things come up we don’t like, when life gets hard,
when we just don’t understand what you are sayin' to us,
we just need to relax and wait ‘till You are done mixin’,
and probably it will be somethin' even better than biscuits. Amen."
The Lord grant you patience this week!
"If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:6-9)
Jesus did not die for good people. In fact, those who consider themselves to be good tend to miss the point of His suffering and reject His salvation. No, Jesus died for honest people—those who recognize that their instinctive ways of thinking, speaking, and acting disqualify them from fellowship with God, and who therefore rely on Jesus’ sacrifice to pay for their sins and provide reconciliation with the Father. Because He is faithful and just, God forgives the sins of those who confess them; and because they are grateful, those who are forgiven are in fellowship with each other and committed to following the example of Christ. They increasingly walk in the light of His goodness, not the dark of deceit.
“Heavenly Father, thank You for loving us as we are, forgiving the sins we confess, and empowering us to walk in Your light. Enable us to always be honest about our sins and to turn back to You quickly, in Jesus, amen."
NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER
A mother is invited to dinner with her son and his female roommate.
Watching the two interact, she wonders if they are more than roommates.
Reading his mom’s thoughts, the son pre-emptively volunteers,
“I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates.”
A week later, his roommate tells him, “I can’t find the silver serving plate.”
“It’s been missing since your mom ate with us. You don't think she took it, do you?”
He says, “Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure.”
He sits down and writes: “Dear Mom: My roommate and I are missing a silver plate.
I am not saying you took it, but it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
If you happen to know where it is, please let me know. Love, your son.”
Several hours later, he receives a reply: “Dear Son: I am surprised your plate is missing.
I am not saying your roommate sleeps with you, but if she were sleeping in her bed,
she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow. Love, Mom.”
The LORD give you the honesty to seek and find His forgiveness! In Jesus,
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2:4-9)
Some days I get it. The crushing combination of an aching body, longing heart, restless intellect, and shame filled soul overwhelm my vain self-reliance to remind me just how desperately I need God’s grace, and just how blessed I am by the incomparable love of God poured out on the cross for my redemption in Jesus. If we feel like misfits in this world, it is because we have been raised with Christ and no longer truly belong here. If we are ambivalent about the future, it is because only our death or Christ’s return can completely rid us of all failures and fears. If we are unsure how to respond to the challenges of life, it is because we do not yet see the same grace that saved us in the past as also preparing good works for us to discover and enjoy in the future.
Yet we always get it. Even when we are discouraged, distracted, deceived, or disgusted with ourselves—especially then—God’s Word assures us of His great love for us, enacted in the reckless abandon of His Son, and enables us to believe that He will sustain us through His Spirit. The remarkable story of the Reformation, sparked 500 years ago this week, is also our story. Like Martin Luther, we are continually rediscovering God’s grace, and continually called to step and speak out in faith, confident that He who called us is faithful.
“Heavenly Father, strengthen our hearts to grasp Your grace, especially when we feel undeserving or overwhelmed. Remind us of Your continuing love and purpose for us; sustain us in all our struggles until we stand in Your presence, beloved in Christ Jesus, amen.”
THE REFORMATION POLKA by Robert Gebel
(To the tune of "Supercalifragilistic-expialidocious")
When I was just ein junger Mann I studied canon law;
While Erfurt was a challenge, it was just to please my Pa.
Then came the storm, the lightning struck, I called upon Saint Anne,
I shaved my head; I took my vows, an Augustinian!
Chorus: Oh, papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation
Speak your mind against them and face excommunication!
Nail your theses to the door, let's start a Reformation!
Papal bulls, indulgences, and transubstantiation!
When Tetzel came near Wittenberg, St. Peter's profits soared,
I wrote a little notice for the All Saints' Bull'tin board:
"You cannot purchase merits, for we're justified by grace!
Here's 95 more reasons, Brother Tetzel, in your face!" (chorus)
They loved my tracts, adored my wit, all were exempleror;
The Pope, however, hauled me up before the Emperor.
"Are these your books? Do you recant?" King Charles did demand,
"I will not change my Diet, Sir, God help me; here I stand!" (chorus)
Duke Frederick took the Wise approach, responding to my words,
By knighting "George" as hostage in the Kingdom of the Birds
Use Brother Martin's model if the languages you seek,
Stay locked inside a castle with your Hebrew and your Greek! (chorus)
Let's raise our steins and Concord Books while gathered in this place,
And spread the word that 'catholic' is spelled with lower case;
The Word remains unfettered when the Spirit gets his chance,
So come on, Katy, drop your lute, and join us in our dance! (chorus)
(Don’t get it? Join one of our Reformation studies!)
The grace of God be with you! Joy in Jesus,
POST-IT FROM THE PASTOR
"The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.” (Psalm 103:8-14)
Those who do not know the Scriptures well sometimes suggest that there are two Gods in the Bible: the angry, grouchy, war-mongering judge of the Old Testament (memorably depicted by Monty Python), and the friendly, meek, always-accepting buddy Jesus of the New Testament (often depicted in country music). The truth is that there is just one God, who disciplines His children as a loving and compassionate Father, who sacrificed Himself to rescue us as a human Son, and who continually calls us back into a right relationship with Him as the Holy Spirit. The more we read through and understand the entirety of Scripture, the more we recognize the continuity of God’s grace guiding our history.
“Heavenly Father, continue to remind us of Your patient compassion, shape us through Your loving grace, and enable us to represent You through both holiness and humble service, in Jesus’ name, amen.”
TEN THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR A REAL DAD SAY:
10. "Can you believe it? I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions."
9. "Now that you’re 15, you’re ready for un-chaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun?"
8. "I noticed that all your friends have a certain hostile attitude. I like that."
7. "Here’s my credit card; your friends are waiting at the mall. Go crazy!!!"
6. "Why play football, son? Isn’t figure skating good enough for you?"
5. "Your parents are going away for the weekend. You might want to throw a party."
4. "What’s with your car? Some doo-hickey? Tow it to a mechanic and pay what he asks."
3. "No son of mine is going without an earring. Quit belly-aching and let’s get you pierced."
2. "What do you want to get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend."
And the number one thing you’ll never hear a real dad say:
1. "I can’t wait until you grow up and get out on your own.”
The LORD watch over you this week!
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. (James 1:19-21)
We live in a culture in which expressing yourself is considered a virtue. Even if what you have to say is obscene or offensive, even if it annoys or abuses a fellow human being, even if it is ignorant or inflammatory, there are people who will speak up to defend your right to abuse free speech, without qualms or consequences. As followers of Jesus, we are called to better. We greatly value the freedom to speak, but do so humbly, eager to speak only the truth, and only in love. That requires listening and patience, both of which involve humility. Yet we have the Spirit of Jesus in us—our incomparably patient and humble God. He embodies the truth, yet is continually listening to us, patiently inserting His saving Word whenever we tire of our own voice and turn to hear His.
“Heavenly Father, make us quick to listen and slow to speak, so that we might not be known as angry people, but as righteous people, implanted with your Word, speaking the truth in love. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
CELL PHONE ETIQUETTE…
After a very busy day, a woman settled down in her seat on the commuter train.
Closing her eyes for some much-needed rest, she barely registered the man next to her.
As the train rolled out of the station, however, the guy pulled out his cell phone.
He dialed a number and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi, sweetheart, it's Eric!”
Ignoring the other passengers, he continued to shout: “I'm on the train!
Yes, I know, it's the six -thirty and not the four- thirty, but I had a long meeting.
No, honey, not with that floozy from the accounts office, with the boss.”
Ten minutes later, he was continuing to ignore the other passengers.
He continued to loudly make his case to the woman on the other end of the call:
“No, sweetheart, you're the only one in my life. Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart…"
Fifteen minutes later, the woman next to him obviously had enough of Eric’s shouting.
Angered by his continuous diatribe, she yelled at the top of her voice:
"Hey, Eric, turn off that stupid phone and come back to bed!"
Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.
God grant you discernment and sensitivity to others this week! Joy in Jesus,
Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones. But Zion said, "The LORD has forsaken me, the Lord has forgotten me." "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands…” (Isaiah 49:13-16a)
Does God have tattoos? Isaiah says He does—well, engravings, anyway. To His suffering people, conquered by an invading army and exiled to a foreign land, it seemed as if God had forgotten them. So He reassured them, and us, that His care and consciousness exceed that of a nursing mother. It’s as if He has us engraved on His hands, so that every time He reaches out to intervene He is thinking of His people. That’s a comforting thought as schools start and schedules fill up for the fall. Though we may at times forget His care for us amidst the business of our lives, God our Father never forgets us. Though the challenges and difficulties we encounter can cause us to doubt God’s concern, nothing can cause God to act without our best interests in mind.
“Heavenly Father, we thank You for Your memorable love and ceaseless care. Remind us of Your interest in every detail of our lives, and bless both teachers and learners in this new school year. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
He was a widower and she a widow.
They had known each other for many years as high school classmates and at class reunions.
At their 60th reunion, the widower and the widow made a foursome with two other singles.
They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high.
The widower throwing admiring glances across the table. The widow smiling coyly back at him.
Finally, he picked up courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered, "Yes...yes I will!"
The evening ended on a happy note for the widower. But the next morning he was troubled.
Did she say “Yes” or did she say “No?”
He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall.
He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank.
He remembered asking the question but for the life of him could not recall her response.
With fear and trepidation he picked up the phone and called her.
First, he explained that he couldn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the past evening.
As he gained a little more courage he then inquired of her.
"When I asked if you would marry me, did you say “Yes” or did you say “No?”
"Why you silly man, I said ‘Yes. Yes I will.’ And I meant it with all my heart."
The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.
Then she continued. "And I am so glad you called because I couldn't remember who asked me!”
God bless you unforgettably this week, in Christ Jesus.
“This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance (and for this we labor and strive), that we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, and especially of those who believe.”
(1 Timothy 4:9-10)
This coming weekend includes Labor Day, which originated in the organized labor movements of the 1880s and is celebrated, according to the U. S. Department of Labor, so “that the nation pay tribute on Labor Day to the creator of so much of the nation's strength, freedom, and leadership — the American worker.” Of course, American workers who are Christian recognize that strength, freedom, leadership, and labor itself are not, in fact, ultimately human achievements, but gifts of the true Creator! So how do we celebrate this politically generated and self-congratulatory day? Much the same way we celebrate every weekend. We pay tribute to the Creator, who in a wonderful act of generosity on the seventh day of creation rested from His labors in order to give us the weekend! We give thanks, not only for the gift of meaningful work, but for the most meaningful work of all: the work of redemption accomplished for us on the cross by Christ! We pray for God’s Spirit to strengthen our labors and grant success to our striving, that our hope in the salvation of the living God might spread to every person on earth in preparation for the end of all labors!
Heavenly Father, we praise You for Your labors on our behalf in the creation and redemption You freely give to us. Through Your Spirit strengthen our faith and sharpen our minds that our labors and striving might enable others to find eternal freedom, in Jesus’ name, amen.
IN HONOR OF LABOR DAY—Signs Seen at Businesses:
On a Handyman's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."
On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."
On a Plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
On a Tow Truck: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
On a Septic Tank Truck: "We're #1 in the #2 business."
At a Chicago Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."
Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
At a Car Dealership: "Get back on your feet - miss a car payment!"
In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."
At a Plastic Surgeon's: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
At an Optometrist's: "Don't see what you're looking for? You're in the right place."
At a Proctologist's: "To expedite your visit please back in."
On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push."
In a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
At the Electric Company: "We’ll be delighted if you pay on time. If not, you’ll be."
In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there hungry. Come in and get fed up."
In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."
At a Propane Filling Station, "Tank heaven for little grills."
The Lord bless all your labors this week!
Jesus spoke to them again in parables, saying: "The kingdom of heaven is like a king who prepared a wedding banquet for his son. He sent his servants to those who had been invited to the banquet to tell them to come, but they refused to come. Then he sent some more servants and said, 'Tell those who have been invited that I have prepared my dinner: My oxen and fattened cattle have been butchered, and everything is ready. Come to the wedding banquet. 'But they paid no attention and went off--one to his field, another to his business. The rest seized his servants, mistreated them and killed them. The king was enraged. He sent his army and destroyed those murderers and burned their city. Then he said to his servants, 'The wedding banquet is ready, but those I invited did not deserve to come. Go to the street corners and invite to the banquet anyone you find.' So the servants went out into the streets and gathered all the people they could find, both good and bad, and the wedding hall was filled with guests.” (1 Peter 5:8-11)
Food was not the issue. Certainly, it is not every day that one is invited to a king’s feast, and even the wealthy and well fed could look forward to a memorable meal. But the real reason for accepting the king’s invitation was to show reverence and respect for the great power and generosity of the king by celebrating with him the wedding of his son. So too, those who gather for the wedding feast of the Son of the King of Heaven will not be those who simply desire to experience the feasting of heaven, but those who recognize the gracious gift of God’s provision in Christ, though they are in no way worthy of a seat at the table.
“Almighty God, save us from our busy lives and our lack of reverence, so that we are always ready to heed Your call and bring glory to You, in Jesus’ name, amen.”
SPEAKING OF WEDDINGS…
Jacob, age 81 and Rebecca, age 80, are all excited about their decision to get married.
They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore.
Jacob suggests they go in. He addresses the man behind the counter:
"Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course, we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Jacob: "How about suppositories?"
Pharmacist: "You bet!"
Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The Works."
Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, help for Parkinson's disease?"
Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"
Pharmacist: "We sure do."
Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
Jacob: "Adult diapers?"
Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."
The LORD give you joy in His provision this week!
As Pastor at Pilgrim, Kirk is fueled by a passion for God's Word and a lot of good coffee.